Is something not about your dick? Make it about your dick! Don’t let her do anything without reminding her that you have a dick.
How to be a Douchebag 101:
Lesson One- Scare away your dates by making everything a gross sexual innuendo instead of being a normal, interesting person!
if youre attractive and you talk to me first, chances are im very confused
sometimes she’s Kim K sometimes she’s Beyonce…
and sometimes she’s britney
and sometimes she’s lindsay
and sometimes she’s italian pop sensation isabella parigi
yesterday was nine years ago
just let that sink in
The difference between period pains and getting kicked in the balls is that one is a compulsory monthly event and the other one is probably because you were being a dick.
Remember that time Daleks and Cybermen had sass-off?
THIS IS LITERALLY MY FAVE SCENE FROM DOCTOR WHO EVER I AM NOT EVEN JOKING I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE MADE A POST OF IT I THINK ABOUT THIS MORE OFTEN THAN IS NORMAL UGH IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY
No one sasses better than the Daleks and Cybermen. No one.
*popular blog follows me* oh shit i better not fCUk *spaghetti spills out of my pockets* Shit shit what *throws computer after slipping in spaghetti* fUCK
the look on their faces though. its like “omfg, charles. charles, charles. THE HUMAN IS WAVING. WAVE BACK, HURRY.”
omg cutest ever
Today is Copernicus’s 541th birthday. You may remember Copernicus as the man who said “Hey, what if the Earth went around the sun?” To which the Catholic Church replied “Hey, what if we set you on fire?”
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Rupert Giles, The Quotable Librarian
one of my favorite FOB encounter stories is the one where this girl was eating at a restaurant and she was wearing a FOB shirt and she felt someone looking at her so she looked out the glass window she was sitting by and Pete Wentz was on the other side of the glass just staring at her and grinning.
gorillas don’t know any bodybuilding techniques so we have probably never seen one at full potential